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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26155873">You give me butterflies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadednightsandstarryskies/pseuds/fadednightsandstarryskies'>fadednightsandstarryskies</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, coworkers first though, harry is just really insecure and in love, harry just loves romcoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:35:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26155873</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadednightsandstarryskies/pseuds/fadednightsandstarryskies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Harry stands there at the window, waiting for his laptop to turn off, drinking his water, looking outside. And there Niall is, just now leaving, Harry thought he'd been gone for a couple of minutes already. Harry looks at him, his heart skips a beat, Niall is just so beautiful, on his bike, sunglasses on, hair breezed through by the mild wind. And he watches him drive off and when Niall is nearly gone already, and Harry is happy to just watch him from behind, Niall suddenly turns around again and looks straight at Harry - almost as if he was hoping to find Harry standing there - and waves goodbye again. Harry feels like the soppy main character of a romcom and cannot stop smiling or thinking about it for days.<br/></em><br/>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>Harry is 22 and starts his internship. And while trying to work through his own issues, Niall appears and shines a light and is so kind! Harry is 23 and starts working there as a student assistant and Niall is still there being kind.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Niall Horan/Harry Styles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You give me butterflies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my second fic published, so don't be too harsh. The titles are all taken from song lyrics, I will add the song to the notes of each chapter. I didn't have anyone proof-read it, so sorry for any mistakes. I hope you enjoy it at least a bit. I tried. Also don't be too shy to comment anything, if it's just worded nicely I am sure I can handle it. And thank you for coming here.<br/>The title is from Butterflies – Kacey Musgraves.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title from Begin Again - Taylor Swift.<br/>Enjoy and please be kind to yourself today x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry is beyond nervous; thinks he’s never been this nervous before. He knows that he’s only going to work for his uncle and aunts, but for some reason that makes it even worse. Everyone kept telling him that it’s going to be fine because they will love him anyway, no matter how well his work is done, as long as they see that he tries, but the thought of them thinking that he was dumb really mortifies him. They are so smart and in a way everything he aspires to be, and he is so scared of letting them down. Knowing full well that he mostly got this internship because of his relations to the bosses and because they somehow think that he will be able to do it all. Knowing full well that he should be just accepting his family’s favours. Knowing full well that he is extremely privileged in the sense that at least his bosses think of him as capable already, not to speak of this being a paid internship! He checks his aunt’s email again that told him to be in the office at 9:30am on his first day. He checks his watch, 8am. He needs a little over an hour to the office, so he kisses his mum goodbye and wants to leave, his backpack on, shirt not tucked in but orderly, hair just a little messy, but not too much.<br/>
“Hey baby, calm down” Anne whispers with his face in her hands. Harry feels his palms getting sweatier by the minute and his heart racing. He cannot say anything, just awkwardly presses his lips together in an attempt at a smile. Anne strokes his hair out of his forehead lovingly and kisses his cheek. “It’s going to be alright. You’re going to be alright. It’s just family.” And Harry nods silently and leaves the house.<br/>
Harry grew up in Lee. He’s often been made fun of for saying he’s from London, because everyone then somehow imagines him living on the London Bridge, but he always liked Lee, close enough to the city centre to feel like you’re living in London, far away enough to have some sense of calm and Anne seldom had to worry about them. After finishing school however, he wanted to go away, for a year at least, but then move away for university as well. So, when he was 18 years old, Harry moved to France for a year, to volunteer. And then when he came back and applied for uni, he got accepted at the University of Newcastle and moved there again. And it’s not like he didn’t appreciate Newcastle for the people he has met there and it also wasn’t all bad there but he misses home, misses his mum and Robin, misses London, misses feeling like he belongs somewhere. He’s been in Newcastle for three years now and he still doesn’t feel like he will ever belong there, like Newcastle will ever feel like home to him. Maybe it’s because it’s way smaller than what he’s used to, maybe it’s because it’s so far up north, maybe it’s because there isn’t a proper subway system in Newcastle and he really noticed how he just likes functioning public transport.<br/>
Harry had always been political, always a left- and socialist-thinker, but it got stronger while he was at university. Maybe because due to the discussions he’d had there, but also because he felt like the world was slipping, like if he didn’t at least attempt to use his voice to make a change, he would never forgive himself. And so he thought about where to do his mandatory internship for a while, but not knowing what he wanted to do at all, not knowing where he wanted to go with his life, not knowing what he was even able to do, and crying to his mum on the phone about it, a week later his uncle offered him an internship at his office. The work there had always been interesting to Harry, even though he never felt like he would be able to do it. His uncle had founded a project executing organisation that focusses on different aspects of migration and Harry always had a spiked interest in using his voice for those who were muted by the masses, knowing that as a white cis-man he had privileges others could not even imagine having. After being very active and vocal in Newcastle’s activist groups fighting the climate crisis, and always searching for something that would not only centre white middleclass kids, the work there would be the perfect place for him, he knew. And still, it took him days of internal battle, days of panicking about whether he wanted to expose his brain to his family or not, his family, who always thinks him to be so smart, when he really doesn’t feel like it. After he finally called his uncle to tell him that he’d do it, his uncle told him how happy he was, how he was looking forward to it, and Harry chatted lightly on the surface but felt his anxiety rising inside of him again. When did he ever become so anxious and unsure about himself? So when his internship then started about a year later and he was on his way to the office, he still felt his heart beat out of his chest and his palms being sweaty and he checked his appearance in the window of a falafel shop only to fret about his hair again. Should he put it up in a bun? He left it open initially because he thought it’d make a better impression, but maybe it didn’t? He quickly ties it together in a bun, hoping it looked alright. He just really wanted to make a good impression. Most people there didn’t know that he was the nephew of the bosses, and his aunts and uncle also told him to not brag about it – if people found out, that was okay, but he didn’t have to go everywhere shouting that they were family.<br/>
It was 9am when his phone ringed and he looked at the display and saw that it was his aunt and he instantly felt a little sick but answered nonetheless.<br/>
“Hey Harry! I’m just calling to ask where you are? Did you get stuck in traffic?” she greeted him right away. He felt his eyes tear up a little because he didn’t know how to react, did he read the time wrong? Did he mix it all up?<br/>
He forced his voice to stay calm. “Uh, I’m pretty sure you told me to be there at 9:30…” he said. “I’m almost at Shadwell, so it won’t take me that long anymore”<br/>
“Oh, okay, no that’s totally fine, see you in a bit!” she answered and she didn’t sound mad but Harry still felt mortified – it was his first day and he already felt like he screwed up. He checked his mails again, seeing that his aunt had, in fact, really told him to be there by 9:30. He called Anne once he was off the train and started tearing up again and why can’t his stupid eyes just stop being so watery all the time? Anne calmed him down though, reassuring him that he isn’t the one that screwed up, that he just followed the instructions, that everything will be fine and that it is only family. She kept repeating that it’s only family and Harry knew she was right and he knew that it should be the most effective argument because his family was always there to support him unconditionally, but in Harry’s head it was a little bit of a threat, seeing that if his family found out that he was a screw-up and a fraud, it would all be discussed at the table at Christmas and he already saw himself being shunned from the family table.<br/>
After hanging up, he blasts the Arctic Monkeys over his headphones to numb his anxiety and breathes down his anxiety. It will be alright, he tells himself. You will be alright.<br/>
And as he enters the office he immediately falls in love, the calmness, the kitchenette, the smell of coffee. His aunt greets him with a warm smile, they enter her office and start off to the IT with the other new employee starting that day. Everyone is kind to him, everyone smiles and he smiles back, tries to shine as bright as possible. And the day – as predicted by his ever so wise mum – goes well, he’s alright, everyone’s kind, he feels good. His supervisor is kind to him, explains him everything and the people in the bureau he will spend most of his time in are incredibly kind to him as well, welcoming him, asking about his life and what brought him there.<br/>
When Harry goes home, he can’t stop smiling. He has a feeling that all of this will be good to him. When Anne sees him she also cannot stop smiling, her baby looks so satisfied and well and happy, and she was longing to see that expression on his face again for so long. They have dinner with Robin and Harry tells them about his day, both Robin and Anne just happy to see him glow like that, excited and inspired.<br/>
Later that night, when he falls into bed, he starts thinking. He’s 22 now. He remembers that when he moved to Newcastle he thought he’d meet someone finally, like his life would change in the sense that he would finally get the stick out of his ass and fall in love with someone. After his first kiss at 18 with Jack, who he met in France while volunteering, that went terribly downhill (Harry didn’t even like him that much but thought that if Jack kissed him he must surely like Harry and so he convinced himself that he had a crush on Jack and told him and Jack let him down and then every chance at remaining friends was destroyed in a heartbeat) and then the next two kisses he had with Liam who he always loved but never really in that sense – they somehow remained friends, but Harry is convinced that it’s mostly due to Harry persisting and most importantly due to them never even acknowledging that something happened between them – those were his only experiences with kissing people and he started feeling like maybe he was the problem. Not necessarily that he was “too ugly” for anyone to really like him (even though that thought of course also entered his brain on particularly bad days) or that he was not smart, funny, kind enough – but more like he was just not <em>enough</em> at all. In a lot of situations he felt like he wasn’t sociable enough to attract people’s attention, not confident enough to walk up to people and talk to them, not brave enough to flirt with people he found attractive. And it’s not like there never were any people showing interest, at least 4 people have told him already that they liked him as more than a friend, but he never even thought about reciprocating feelings from his side. He often also wondered if he was just always too focussed on other people, untouchable people, people in relationships, famous people, people who he thought were really pretty but knew that they wouldn’t get along personally, to ever really look at people in his surroundings. Or were his expectations too high? He didn’t think that looks mattered that much, didn’t really care if the other had curly hair or was taller or anything like that. All he wanted was someone kind and smart. That couldn’t be too much to ask, right? So when Harry moved to Newcastle, he thought maybe his life would change insofar that he would meet someone and experience love or at least a reciprocated crush for the first time in his life. However, after living in Newcastle for three entire years now, all he’s got were crushes on people that never even looked at him and his anxiety getting worse.<br/>
So naturally, back in London, even if it was only for three months, he was hoping that maybe, <em>maybe</em>, he would find someone to fall in love with who reciprocated his feelings. Like every time when he went somewhere to meet new people, he got his hopes up high, knowing full well that his hopes were possibly about to be shattered at one point or the other. However, he kept on hoping. Thinking about all of this, he fell into a restless sleep only to be waken up way too early by his chirping alarm.<br/>
Today, he was a little nervous still, but way calmer than the day before. After breakfast he went on his way to the office and the days went on like that, he learned a lot over the course of the next few weeks, got praised a lot for things he thought were nothing special. Somehow, he got to this point of being the kid that knew everything about PowerPoint, Excel, all sorts of programmes that he really knew only the basics about but that was apparently enough to impress his supervisor. He worked for different projects every couple of days and looked into all the different types of work one can do there and he finally felt like he belonged somewhere, finally felt like what he did was really having a purpose, like what he did made sense. He felt at home there and his anxiety was kept at bay most of the time, a little more each day.<br/>
After being in London for a month again, he decided to cut his hair again. Really short, drastically, it wasn’t like he <em>needed</em> the change, but he had thought about it for a while now and so one Saturday morning he just went for it and his hairdresser kept gushing about his curls, and about how well the short hair also suited him and he walked out of the salon and felt like he was freshly born. On Monday, on his way to work, he got nervous again. Walking up to the office, he met his colleague, Laura, with another colleague he only just knew from seeing him, but never spoke to him or got introduced. He sheepishly stands there with them in the elevator and asks them how they are until Laura suddenly widens her eyes and recognises his hair and Harry blushes when she tells him it looks good and asks if she can touch it. The other colleague just looks and smiles and Harry tells Laura that it’s okay if she touches his hair and then they are on their floor and leave the elevator while the other colleague remains inside and goes up another floor to his bureau.<br/>
One of the projects he’s helping with has an event on Tuesday, where Harry is supposed to take pictures. Normally one of the student assistants does it but since she is sick, they have asked him and he loves taking pictures but he is once again a little scared, thinking that maybe the pictures he will take will not be good enough? Nevertheless, standing in front of the institute where the event takes place, he takes in a deep breath and tells himself that it’s going to be alright, goes in and realises that he’s the first to be there. So he settles down, checks his camera again, checks his armpits and his hair, sets the microphones up and waits for the others to arrive. The colleague from the elevator enters the room, smiling, greeting Harry.<br/>
“I’m Niall, by the way” he says and awkwardly waves at Harry. Harry smiles, “I’m Harry” he replies. They chat a little, about the project Niall works at, about how they are, chit-chat, really, nothing more. The other participants filter in one after the other and Harry takes out his camera and starts taking some photos of everyone. Niall starts chatting to some people he knows and Harry can’t help but be mesmerised by how easy it looks, how secure and safe in his skin Niall looks. He cannot help but notice how his mouth gets really big when he laughs, how his eyes crinkle together and how he radiates joy. And Harry thinks, “oh no, is this it? Is this who I’m going to have a senseless crush on for the time being?” He postpones the question to a point in the future and forces himself to take pictures of other people as well. Throughout the day he notices how he keeps trying to capture the light radiating off of Niall, how he is never satisfied with the pictures because maybe the sound is missing? The movements? He’s not sure. He keeps on trying to capture it though and when he uploads the pictures to the cloud the next day he tries to only upload a reasonable amount of pictures of Niall and maybe not only the ones where it’s obvious how much he tried to capture him in the best way possible, deliberately even uploads a picture in which Niall talks and has his mouth open, not in the most flattering way. Only minutes after he finished the upload, the messenger they use at the office plinks, telling Harry that he’s got a new message and when he opens it he sees that it’s from Niall, with that one single unflattering picture attached, thanking him for the great snapshot. Harry inevitably starts to smile and then frets about what to answer. He waits and waits until shortly before he has to leave the office to then shoot Niall a quick “always at your service :D” message. He’s not really happy with it, but does not know how bold to be, how bold he even wants to be, what he wants from this situation. He logs off before he can see if or what Niall would answer, packs his things and goes home. “Enough for today”, he tells himself. “Enough, before I start picturing myself in a romcom again and let everything go downhill before it even started.”</p>
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